and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
