Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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