upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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