is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Life is so much better after having sex.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
