i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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