Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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