You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
