Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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