Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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