My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
