There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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