Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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