Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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