she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
last night I used snow as a chaser
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
