Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
