Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
