I puked a lego.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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