If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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