Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
barbara walters just said penis...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
