just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
