Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
