she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize