My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
