I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
