Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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