all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize