i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
