i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
