I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
