ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
