Three words: puerto rican gang bang
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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