I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
