Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
