I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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