end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
