; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize