I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
