I faked an abortion last night.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
