So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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