He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
