shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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