We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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