Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
