As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
