HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
