Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
