yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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