If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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