It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i dont even know how to be here
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
