Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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