sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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