i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She told me I should be a condom model.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
