Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
