What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
