I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
