I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
