She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
