dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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