just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
