Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
