Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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