so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
