Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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