I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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