32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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