Im at strip club and am horny
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
