listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
