some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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