I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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