Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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