Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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