youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
