I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
