You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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