Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
