We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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