i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
