Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
