I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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