You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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