somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
