YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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