it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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