How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize