So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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