Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
