In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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