shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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