glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
