sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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