i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
